This page contains a transcript of the dialogue and messages associated with completing tasks and obtaining advice, as well as the Boss dialogue.
A new Task has been unlocked:
(on killing a scorpion)
- You've killed __ Scorpion(s)!
(on collecting a tooth)
- You've collected __ tooth/teeth!
JUST A REMINDER
- Yes, hello, I'm Samuel. Do you want me for something?
- Ah, blast! The Report! I forgot all about that! I suppose I'd better report to the Boss, then!
- ...Well, I mean, I will in a minute. When you're not looking. I can't do it when you're looking.
- Moanin' Morris
- Noises, y'say? Aye, that'd be me, I reckon. See, I've been trapped in 'ere for a mule's age, an I've gone an' died an all that.
- It can get to a bloke, dyin' an' inexplicably raisin' as a walkin' skeleton. So I s'pose I moan to keep away the madness.
- I'll shut mesel' up if y'want, so that's that, then. Be off on yer merry way, now, m'lad! Unlike me, you've got some living' to be doin'!
(on talking to a person)
- You've talked to __ person/people!
- Yes? Who are you? What? The Boss sent *you* to apologise for what he did?!
- Why, I'm outraged! That's ridiculous! I need to hear it from him, not from some stranger, and besides, words won't cut it! I want him out on the streets!
- It's not your fault though... You're just doing your job. I suppose I can accept this... for now.
- Hello? Yes, I was fondled by our boss, and yes, I did complain about it. Though I wonder what it is about me that made you think I was one of his victims. Hrm.
- He's apologising? Like he means it. That's lawyers for you; thinking that some formality can make up for emotional trauma. How fake.
- Well, you've told me now, so you can be on your merry way. Find the other poor women that vile chauvinist harassed, if you must, but I doubt it'll help.
- Hi, um... what is it? The sexual harassment case? Oh... yes, I think I was one of his victims.
- He's sorry? Well... I suppose that's okay. It's not like he raped me or anything. I suppose I can forgive him.
- I'm sort of glad it's you and not him telling me; I couldn't bear to see that man again.
- Hiya. What? You want to sue me for sexual harassment? Eh? Oh! Right! That thing, with that guy! Yeh, I was part of that case against him, wasn't I?
- He's sorry? Okay, whatever; I'd sort of forgotten all about it anyway!
- I'm harassed by men all the time, you see; I can't be expected to remember them all! It's a bit demeaning, but at least I know I'm sexy!
- That boss apologised? Finally! It's about time! He shouldn't be allowed to get away with such blatant disrespect towards women!
- Well, I mean, technically, he has, and he was barely punished at all, but... hey, that's not fair at all, come to think of it!
- I really hope I get some money for this later. This won't cut it alone!
- Is this about that sexual harassment thing? He totally DID grab me, I swear! Where? Where DIDN'T he grab me, that's a better question!
- What? You're here to *apologise* on his behalf? But he's right in that office, right there!!
- Gods, I hate men!
(on killing a sales figure)
- You've killed __ Salesfigure(s)!
ANALYSE THE LATEST TRENDS
(on collecting a piece of information)
- You've collected __ piece(s) of information!
(on killing a whore)
- You've killed __ Whore(s)!
(on killing a troll)
- You've killed __ Troll(s)!
(on completing a task)
- The task ______ is now complete!
- Clarence, I heard you were going on a date? Aw, that's so sweet! I'm glad you finally met a girl who actually likes you.
- You'd like some advice on how to impress her? Well, erm... you could try just being yourself! I'm sure she'll love you. You're a really nice guy... sometimes.
- You could also tell her you are fond of children. Every girl likes a guy who's committed and good husband material; my girly magazines tell me so!
- If you really want to get a woman to like you, then you should try complimenting her eyes!
- Women have pretty eyes, and we really like it when you tell us so! Tee-hee!
- Aren't mine lovely, by the way? I really love anime, so I got eye implants so I'd have these really kawaii eyes, desu! Squee!
- Gettin' hot in here, isn't it?
- But y'know what'll make any woman hot? Tellin' her she's sexy, that's what! They love to know it, and it's guaranteed to getcha some action!
- 'Course, they've gotta be lookers else it won't work... But buddy, why'd you have any interest in a gal if she were a minger?
- It has come to my attention that you will be attempting to woo a potential ladyfriend on this day, Clarence. I may be able to assist you in this endeavour.
- My research suggests that women tend to feel rather upset by the average male's primarily sexual approach to relationships.
- Therefore, you should make a point of stating that you put personality above looks. You may not get into her pants, but you will get into her heart.
- Mr Wanker
- Hey hey, if it isn't little Clarence, come to pay his idol a visit! Heheh. Word is, you're lookin' for advice on some date o' yours, eh?
- What ya gotta do, tiger, is this. Don't hold back. Everything you're told is wrong. Tell her she's got a great rack. Just do it. She'll love it.
- Y'see, men are told they shouldn't do that, but then women worry. So you gotta tell her you love 'em. That's the ticket to seein' 'em. See?
- What is it? You're going on a date? *You*? Fine, I'll humour you.
- Want some advice, Tell the girl she looks dignified, and modest. A woman's elegance and dignity are her greatest treasures.
- Treat a woman with great respect, and you'll get your rewards in the end. I've said my part, now go away.
- Yer goin' on a date, y'say? I thinks I knows a things or two about that ol' thing!
- Back in my day, yours truly was considered quites the charmer! I'd woo the lasses by askin' 'em if they'd ever been t' one o' them wild orgies, y'know?
- Turned 'em right on, it did. 'Course, things may've changed since my day... But, I say, it worked a charm for me, it worked a ruddy charm!
- Hi, uh... you're going on a date tonight, mate? Least, that's what I heard. I don't know much about dating, but lemme give you a few pointers anyway.
- One thing I've learned is that girls DON'T like it if you think they're slutty! That they're all *easy*, like. Or if you try to pay 'em. Doesn't go down well.
- So what you should do is compliment her on not looking slutty! Yeh, based on my experience, that'll go down a treat.
On obtaining advice:
- You got some dating advice! (_/8)
- HELO THEIR ENPLOYEY HOW AER U TIHS WANDERFOL DAVE
- OK LETS HAEV A C AT HOW GOOD U R HAEV BEEN DOIN AT DIS WORK 2DAY LYK MAN OK
- U HAEV DUN _ UOT OFF 10 TAKSKS 2DAE SOLDEIR OK
(if 2 tasks or less)
- TAHT SUX UR FIRED LOL
(if 3-9 tasks)
- DATS PERTY GOD HEER U GO U R EARNEDT DESE £___ MOENY WEGES
(if 10 tasks)
- WOW DATS SOPER DOED I FINK IMA GONA GIVE 2 U DAT PRONOSHON U AWASY WOTNDS LOL HER U GO
- ASLO U GET £1000 DOTN SEPDN IT AL AT 1CE BEG BOY LOL
- O YAEH NO U CAN HAEV DIS SOOT CUZ UR AN ECTSECUTAVE NOW DOSNT SEPDN IT ALL IN 1 PAELCE HAHA
- DAEYS OBER NOW U GO HOME OK BEY
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